How to Be More Vulnerable in Relationships

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Here are a couple of tips to help your partner feel safer and more comfortable to talk authentically to you. It could be a few weeks into seeing someone when you guys finally decide to start talking about the serious stuff, or you guys may just be hardcore vibing on the first date.

We can carry those lessons with us into future relationships and ultimately become better versions of ourselves. It could be a few weeks into seeing someone when you guys finally decide to start talking about the serious stuff, or you guys may just be hardcore vibing on the first date. You have every right to feel what you are feeling.

How to Be More Vulnerable in Relationships

Warning: this post is really long. Obviously, words cannot describe how excited I am because it has been such a struggle working full-time, attending school part-time, and dealing with the tumultuous and traumatizing events over the last year well, really the past three years. Having spent weeks in economics theory and how it can be applied to environmental science policy I definitely needed a reprieve because if I had to write one more thing about particulate matter emissions I was going to explode. So I took a break from all that and started working on something far more interesting to me. I was pleasantly surprised because I hardly feel like an expert on the subject. I mean, I am the girl who is queen of first date fuck-ups. I got drunk on the first one and by the second one I was puking. So somehow my winning personality must have beat out the most embarrassing moment of my life. Or maybe they just pitied me. Last month my editor asked me to write an article on how to be vulnerable since many of her clients have mentioned they struggle with vulnerability in their relationships. It took me a month to write this because every time I sat down to do it my mind was blank. I struggle with being vulnerable so who am I to offer advice on the subject? Well, it turns out I actually did have something to say. I imagine most of you have asked yourself this same question too. This stems largely out of fear. Out of this fear we tend to portray only the perfect parts of ourselves — the parts that make us fun, lively, and enjoyable to be around. But to truly be vulnerable means to reveal those parts of ourselves we keep hidden. When we love with reckless abandon and fall into those kinds of people quickly and relentlessly they mess with those vulnerabilities. They find ways to abuse them and sometimes they abuse them in the most cruel of ways. We realize that rabid dogs can take human form. In order to protect our hearts from future hurt we build walls so high that they are impenetrable. We wear a suit of armor as if our lives depended on it. We suppress the scary, beautiful, tender side of our love because the idea of letting someone else in — even for the right sort of person — seems impossible. But despite how scary it is to open ourselves up to someone we still yearn for connection and intimacy. Intuitively, I think we all know that true emotional intimacy requires vulnerability and that to be vulnerable requires strength and courage and authenticity. It requires us to be brave. In reality sharing our deepest vulnerabilities is easier said than done. After all, our first instincts when we feel shame, hurt, indignation, or disappointment towards ourselves or our partner is to mask those feelings, likely because we fear that expressing any sort of negative emotion makes us weak. We may even fear how our partners will react. In all honesty and for the sake of being vulnerable with my audience I will tell you these things may very well happen. Being vulnerable in a relationship will not always mean your significant other will share the same sentiments. If you open your heart to them and they view it as a weakness or they belittle your feelings or they refuse to show you their heart in return, you are with the wrong person. Because despite our fantasies of being the rescuer — the one that finally changes them — they will not change. Even knowing this we may very well find ourselves staying, which probably stems from our fears. In return we become trapped in emotional turmoil. We become the source of destructive habits. Our happiness wanes and we unnecessarily suffer. The truth is that the only people we can truly change is ourselves. We can choose to be someone who expresses their love. We can choose not to close ourselves off. We can choose to love ourselves despite our faults. We can choose to walk away from someone who abuses our vulnerabilities. In that same regard, be kind and walk away if your partner shares their heart with you and exposes their deepest vulnerabilities yet you deny them the same sort of consideration. Do not exploit their vulnerabilities or make them feel small or judge them for sharing who they truly are. Because if you do, then you are not the right person for them. Despite the rationality of this advice, I will admit that I am no expert in actually being vulnerable. In fact, I am more likely to sabotage a relationship than I am to be the one that puts myself out there. Certainly this stems from three years of emotional abuse from someone I loved — someone who I desperately wanted to love me back. It also stems from my fear of rejection and the stigma I hold about having a mental illness although I hate admitting that because I am also an advocate for mental health. Yet in the last year I have been determined to practice being vulnerable despite how damaged I feel. The obvious question then is if you see an opportunity to be vulnerable, how do you do it? I hope these tips will help you too. Love all of you I am very open to sharing my personal journey of dealing with bipolar disorder to strangers, friends, and family, although I sometimes find myself attempting to hide that part of my life to someone I like or want to date. I spent more time depressed and crying than I did being happy. There were moments when I was reckless and did things that were destructive to my life. After publishing my stories, many people reached out to me sharing their own. They talked about how sharing mine inspired them to be open about their own struggles. They realized they too could be a vehicle for change, fighting the stigma associated with having a mental illness. Despite how absolutely terrifying it was to be brutally honest about my breakdown and the time I spent in a psychiatric ward, I am stronger because of it. Seeing these strangers and my family and friends love me unconditionally and offer up compassion allowed me to begin creating a space where I accepted that part of me. I am actually grateful to have gone through such tumultuous and traumatizing events leading up to my diagnosis because those experiences finally revealed my true self. And I love my true self. By creating space for self-love in my life it meant there was less space for fear. When we stand in that space of love we reach self-acceptance. This is where the true power of vulnerability lies because when we accept ourselves — faults and all — we pave a path to finding true happiness. Be willing to try, even if you fail Those suits of armor we wear are hard to take off. While there is no magical pill for the hurt and pain we — or others — may feel or have felt, we inevitably survive it. Our lives do go on. By practicing vulnerability, we open ourselves up to finding the right sort of person even if you come across rabid dogs along the way. Although we may ultimately fail in our attempt at being vulnerable we can recognize where we were successful and where we made mistakes. We can carry those lessons with us into future relationships and ultimately become better versions of ourselves. Really, the only important thing is that you try because that in and of itself is the very definition of being vulnerable. Baby steps, my friends. We expect them to be there for us. But ask yourself this: are you willing to be with someone who is suffering? Are you willing to be compassionate and kind and understanding towards them despite how uncomfortable it may make you feel? When someone exposes their vulnerabilities to you, you can practice being vulnerable just by sharing their emotional space. You can listen to them, feel their emotions without judgement, and offer up compassion whether you can relate to the situation or not. By doing all that you help them create their own space for love and self-acceptance. It is humbling and inspiring to witness that kind of transformation. I valued how he felt and what his needs were so much that I stopped considering my own. When hiding what you really feel becomes a habit it can be difficult to break. But being vulnerable means being truthful. It means honoring what you feel, what the other person feels, and being brave enough to address those circumstances together. You have every right to feel what you are feeling. But I do have faith you will succeed in however you approach your journey and I wish you all the joy and happiness that comes with taking such a giant leap of faith because you definitely deserve it.

Instead of thrilling me, that feeling irritated me. Vulnerability is at the center of connection and the first step is to share ourselves. Some people regularly open up, share, emote. There comes a time in all relationships where we let down our guards just a con, and truly open up for the first time ever. Think about this: If you don't enjoy spending time with yourself, how will she enjoy your time together. For More Of His Thoughts And Ramblings, Follow Paul Hudson On And. Learning how to be vulnerable in a relationship also includes talking about your goals and aspirations.